Friday, 1 June 2012

Bad Reviewers Are Also Bad People


A recent study conducted by the Institute of Outraged Authors confirmed what many of us already knew: Those who write bad reviews are also bad people. The study found that critics who give one and two star reviews tend to be as cruel, nasty and just plain horrible in their everyday lives as they are on Amazon and other book rating forums.

The bad reviewers were 89% more likely to drive over a family of ducks crossing the road, while a whopping 99% of them admitted that crushing the dreams of small children and breaking their favourite toys gave them a sense of power and fulfilment. Bad reviewers were also found to be notoriously stingy tippers who enjoy spreading malicious gossip in the workplace and creating disharmony in social situations. An overwhelming majority admitted to being schoolyard bullies.

"I'm just so glad this has finally been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt," said Mark*, an author whose self-published books have received a large number of negative reviews. "Now readers will finally be able to recognise that bad reviews are in no way a reflection of the books in question, but are merely the hate-filled outpourings of diseased minds. It is my hope that this groundbreaking study will lead to bad reviewers seeking the help they so obviously need so we can rid society of this scourge."

The official spokesperson for the Society of Sadistic Reviewers (pictured above) was unavailabe for comment.

Obviously I'm joking! As all authors know, negative reviews come with the territory and you have to learn to take the good with the bad.  The best bad reviews are those that explain what they did not like about the book and don't just do a hatchet job on it. These are the ones I take notice of because they usually make valid points, as hard as this may be to acknowledge.

We can all take heart from the fact that even the most celebrated authors get bad reviews. My all time favourite for sheer nastiness is Mark Twain's comment about Jane Austen:

Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.- Letter to Joseph Twichell, 13 September 1898

It doesn't get more mean-spirited than this, but Jane definitely got the last laugh on her bad reviewers, providing an inspiration to us all to persevere in the face of critcism and negativity.



13 comments:

  1. Woah. I kind of assumed that because that's what you see in movies and all, but I never thought it was actually true...

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    1. It's just my idea of a joke Dani, helps take the sting out of bad reviews just a little to imagine them like this!

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  2. Lol, thanks for the laugh and the encouragement. :)

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  3. Hahah, this was hilarious, especially love that first picture! I shall from now on imagine all bad reviewers looking like that.

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    1. Me too! It does help to think of bad reviewers looking like this as they sit at their keyboards spill their bile on unsuspecting authors LOL

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  4. Cute. I think all the bad reviewers are actually one person, writing with his/her 18,000 personalities. The primary personality doesn't even know it's going on.

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  5. Too funny and so true. Great post!

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    1. Thanks Randi Lee. Glad you enjoyed it.

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